Life

It's amazing how much one really doesn't understand all that is happening in the world, or even in the house they live in. Everybody has a mask they hide behind. Something they use to shield themselves from certain things. Be it their true feelings about their family or the way they feel about a friend. I know that there is more to people's lives than they let on or show. There's always a story to be found and in need of being heard. While talking with my boyfriends siblings I realized just how much they actually are unhappy with many things. With the treatment that their brother is given and how he may not show that he feels the outcast, they know he does. Or how the fact their older sister is still living at home is embarrassing and hard for them to want to admit to people. Especially to those people who know what happened a few years ago with their brother. They worry and they care, more than I think even my boyfriend knows. It is just they know better than to blatantly help him out, such as giving him money randomly, or even trying to sneak money to him. And I understand where he's coming from. It is just hard for his siblings to want to help and try to help and him feel as if he does he'll be obligated to pay them back and that is not the case at all. He doesn't need to repay anyone, they want him to go to school and pay off his bills. Not so they can hold something over his head but because they understand he needs the help and they want to help him. It is just one of those things, and I worry that since he won't accept help, he'll continuously stay behind on payments and will have to drop out and then he'll not have money nor drive to want to be married to me. He always told me that he wants to have a college degree and a good solid job before we start anything permanent because he doesn't want our future kids to have to go through life with parents that are struggling to pay for things and to make ends meet. Which I completely agree with, but I'm not going to wait around and hope and wish for something that now might never come. I love him and he means the world to me, but I can't hold myself back when I'm not 100% sure of the ultimate goal.